Confirmation

Who knew that God could minister to my heart in the time it took me to type this blog? I initially entitled it Emotional Exhaustion, but as I typed, He worked on me and helped me to take every thought captive in obedience to Him! All glory is due to You, LORD! You are AWESOME!


23 days into July - We've been home a total of 19 of them. In the past 19 days, we've had 103 different people visit our home for at least an hour...51 of these people were under age 13. 27 different people have slept here overnight at least one night. There have been a total of 3 nights this month when it was only the 5 of us sleeping under our roof.

We love to be hospitable. We enjoy hosting people in our home. We know that God gave us the home we have for that specific reason. It's amazing to me that as I look over the list of those we hosted this month, I look at each and every name with a certain affection. Thank you, Lord, for friends and family. When I list these numbers above, it's not with complaint or pride - just confirmation. Confirmation that we are using our home and spending our time invested in relationships. We wholeheartedly believe and affirm that we are called to be in relationship with those in Christ and those who have yet to know Christ. I need to remind myself of this when I feel like I do today - emotionally exhausted.

Before I go any further, I need to let you in on a little secret: I am energized and recharged by alone or one-on-one time. I LOVE spending time connecting with people in a more intimate way. This is difficult for me to do in large group situations. It takes an enormous amount of effort for me. I LOATHE small talk - not because I don't feel it is valuable and necessary in getting to know people better, but because it's awkward for me. It feels uncomfortable and takes work. I come away from a larger social gathering exhausted; I come away from lunch with a friend exhilarated. (An interesting side note - Dana is the opposite. He's totally pumped up at the idea of spending time with people whether in large or small groups. He goes a little stir-crazy if he's alone too long...) I am also one who relishes time alone as this is time with my Lord. During the school year, I have larger doses of this kind of time. I actually look forward to my cleaning jobs, not because I love cleaning so much, but because it's time alone when I can crank up the worship music or listen to podcasts from my favorite preachers without interruption. I'm energized after a few hours of cleaning (mind you...not energized to clean my OWN house, just recharged enough to go back to relating again).

Children are another story. I am not really a "kid person". Some of you may be surprised by that since we are right smack dab in the middle of a ministry to children - namely foster children. I am not one of those people (like my husband is) who loves to just hang out with kids. He romps and plays and laughs and tickles and truly enjoys spending time with children of every age. Kids LOVE him. I'm one who is focused on meeting practical needs, analyzing behaviors, watching for what's really at the heart of the matter, and trying to draw children out in conversation. (Somehow small talk with children isn't quite so painful for me :) As you might notice, these are not things children find very exciting... The easiest way for me to connect with a child is by reading them a book. It's like we are sharing in a more intimate experience that satisfies both of our desires. My favorite thing to do with children is read books to them.

So what does all of this mean for right now? What does this mean when the numbers are such as they are above? What does this mean when I've been living in a state of forced spontaneity, mild chaos, and somewhat reluctant self-sacrifice? It means I'm tired - emotionally and physically.

Nail polish on the couch, mounds of laundry, 5 extra kids, pet puke, hamburger "blood" dripped everywhere (long story), water in the basement, fish tank disaster leading to carpet shampooing and friend's dead fish, unbearable heat and humidity making it next to impossible for kids to play outside. Dana left yesterday for what we have come to call "Fantasy Farm Camp" (thanks for the positive spin on that Kyle) He will be in Crookston farming with a friend for the next 3 weeks. That's my "poor me" paragraph...just needed to get that off my chest :)

What DOES all of this mean? Right now, I'm fully dependent on the grace of God to get me through each day. And what a gloriously painful place that is to be. Again, I don't say this with pride or complaint in my heart - just confirmation and conviction. I CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN. It is Christ who works in me both to will and to do...(Phil. 2:13) I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13) In the past, I would've been doing everything I could to control my circumstances in order to keep my life more manageable and orderly. Praise God, that in His infinite wisdom, He has other plans for me. He has used numerous experiences (frustrating, challenging, heart-breaking, humorous, difficult, and even down-right ridiculous - but ALL of them out of my control) in the past year to practically demonstrate to me that my life truly is not my own, nor is it meant to be. It is Christ's, meant to be lived in obedience and in glory to Him. This is the deepest cry of my heart - to live my life for His glory. If you know and love Jesus, you understand what I'm talking about. If not, you probably think I'm crazy.

Last weekend, a friend (love you Kari) asked me about foster care wondering if I "like" it... It struck me as an interesting question. Our family has been called into foster care. It's a ministry. We do it joyfully because we know it's His best for us, and He has truly given us a heart for these children. Do we like it? Hmmmm...... Dana compared it to asking a missionary located in a remote, hostile, poverty-stricken location if they "like" it. It's difficult to say you like something that challenges you and reveals your weaknesses at every turn. It's difficult to say you don't like something that so deeply fulfills a calling within, that has infinite eternal and even earthly rewards, that affirms and strengthens the character you long to exhibit. I guess I'd have to say I may not always like it, but I DO love it because I love Him. It is He that works in me both to will and to do.

Why do I write this? Not so much to inform others as to encourage myself. Tonight I feel weak. Today it was hard. And yet I have joy...unexplainable, overflowing, peace-giving joy. Praise you Jesus! Your grace is sufficient for me for Your power is made perfect in my weakness. AMEN!

A Taste of Summer

Eleven

Eleven observations from an afternoon and evening spent with three 11-year-old girls:

1. High-heeled shoes are fabulous! While trying them on, if you can take 4 or 5 steps in a row without wobbling, twisting an ankle, or falling over you are "totally ROCKIN' those shoes!"

2. A boyfriend is someone you like who has told one of your friends he likes you also. The main reasons you like him are because he is good-looking and nice to you. You don't ever do anything together. You rarely talk to each other. You do dream about marrying him one day, and you blush and get silly when you talk about him.

3. It's essential that you are extremely passionate about one thing and you notice it and/or talk about it whenever opportunity arises. (i.e. the color green, animals, your "boyfriend", things that remind you of something you recently read)

4. Mildly humorous things are actually over-the-top funny.

5. It's become cool to ride the carousel again.

6. More than one person must be talking at all times.

7. For the most part, moms and your friends' moms are OK. Your thoughts on right/wrong and in/appropriateness are still shaped by your parents. Dads are fun too, and the mention of them is always good for a couple of eye rolls to indicate how obnoxious (in a good way) they can be.

8. 3D movies are way cool, and definitely worth a 90 minute wait. Sitting in a movie theater for 2 hours really gets you hyped up...especially if you've been snacking on candy during the show.

9. The instinctual female desire to visit the restroom in pairs has already kicked in at 11.

10. When with your friends, you automatically become louder, sillier, more dramatic, and more daring than you normally are.

11. It is truly a joy to hang out with 11-year-old girls (at least the ones I got to spend time with yesterday). They are interesting, engaging, funny, exhausting, daring, insightful, tender, and beautiful.

Tough Love

Love is patient. Love is kind.

We've all heard it a thousand times. What does this look like for real? What does it sound like?

What is kindness to one who is on the path of destruction? Is it to let him continue on his way unobstructed? Or to issue a warning of the danger and even jump in his way if he continues along the path? And what if he does continue? What is patience to one who rebels against every warning, intervention, and discipline intended for her good? Is it to give in to her demands and hope that all goes better next time? Or is it to stand firm, repeat instruction, encourage submission, and refuse defeat?

So often we think love must be doing the thing that makes someone feel good. The thing that avoids conflict. The thing that makes life more peaceful. Taking the path of least resistance. The world talks about this kind of love as being difficult because you set aside your thoughts about what is right in order to be more tolerant and "loving". It's not based on any sort of truth other than the subjective idea of whether or not the person you are trying to love feels loved. If he doesn't feel loved, you must not be acting lovingly.

Here's what that same Bible passage about love being patient and kind says, "Love finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth." (1Corinthians 13:6) Love tells the truth and is willing to fight for it...not in a rude or demanding way, but in a patient and kind way. A way that is not boastful or proud. A way that is not selfish or unforgiving, but hopeful and enduring. This kind of love I do not possess. Of this kind of love, I am not capable. It is only by the grace of God that I can walk in this kind of love. And believe me, I mess up. There's no formula for this kind of love. It's often difficult to discern how to put action behind the words. Let alone being able to have the right attitude in performing the actions... This love doesn't depend on the feelings of either the one seeking to love or the one being loved. It's a commitment. This is True Love, Supernatural Love, Tough Love.

Dana now writes: I shared this analogy with Sarah tonight as we listened to our 7-year-old foster daughter continue in her raging fit over the loss of privileges.

Have you ever seen a wild kitten? Not wild, like playful wild, but the "not tame" kind of wild? We would run into these kinds of cats every once in awhile growing up on the farm. We'd approach the kitten wanting to pet it or pick it up so we could feed it, care for it, love on it. Can't you picture the kitten backed into a corner with it's tail poofed out, it's back arched, it's mouth spitting/hissing, and it's paws taking swings at the air with claws extended? Why does it do that? Mostly, for the cat, it's a defense against what it perceives as a threat. It doesn't understand my outstretched hand is a sign of care, of protection, and provision. What I'm offering to the cat is foreign and so it's only natural to fight.

The analogy isn't perfect, but I pictured this little girl like the frightened little cat, hissing, spitting, claws extended, not realizing that this discipline is actually for her benefit.

It also reminds me of Hebrews 12:7-13:

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

May the love in our home be like the Father's love for us - even when it's difficult, especially when we aren't "feeling" it...may we pursue this kind of tough love.

Rubberbanding

As we drove home from my cousin's graduation this evening (a 2-hour drive), Dana and I chatted about our current life circumstances. (Note: We let our children watch DVDs on longer trips. While I can't say this has done a lot for their entertaining-themselves-while-driving skills, I can say having them occupied does wonders for our marriage. My mom always said she and Dad had their best conversations over dishes; we have ours while driving.) So anyway, I asked Dana how he's feeling about things right now. He said he feels like he's just waiting. I inquired further and he likened it to a rubberband. We feel the stretch and we know something will change. We might be stretched tighter, or the tension might slack a bit. Not sure, so we wait and see. I liked the analogy so allow me to take it even further...(I know I'm kind of a weirdo, but this is really how my mind works :o)

Our lives are kind of like rubberbands. During those easy (or perhaps lazy) times, we might say we're like the flaccid rubberband just laying in the drawer - enjoying a respite from work, but really not much use to anyone. Or a rubberband might be used to hold a few things together - feeling useful, stretched a little, but really just glad to be of some use. After all, isn't this what rubberbands were made for? Then there are times when the rubberband is really stretched. Life is hard. There's a lot to hold together. There's a lot depending on this rubberband and it doing the job/s it's being used for. It's doable, but definitely difficult - this is probably where we find ourselves right now. And then there's the rubberband that is being stretched way beyond itself. It barely even looks like the same rubberband. Sometimes it's being stretched beyond what it even should be. Sometimes, it just a good thing this rubberband is around or how would any kind of order be maintained? You are not even sure if it's going to hold fast or just snap...

Isn't it funny how we'd probably all prefer to be like the flaccid or maybe even the little bit stretched rubber band most of the time? When we find ourselves stretched a little beyond what is comfortable, do we complain, give up, try fixing things, or yearn for the times when we can just lay flaccid in the drawer? Yet, I think we learn the most when we're REALLY stretched, even uncomfortably so. It's only when the rubberband is stretched beyond what it can handle that it truly undergoes any change - in a rubberband's case usually not for the better - but in our own lives, by the grace of God, as His children we can trust in the fact that it's ALWAYS for the better.

Please excuse the cheesiness as I ask, "How's your rubberband?"

Refrigerator Magnetic Poetry

Just playing around with magnetic poetry we found when cleaning out closets...therapeutic!

Catching You Up

Oh blogging world, how we've missed thee! So sorry to have been MIA these past few months. Life is never dull around here - that's for sure...

Major News:

Dana will have a new job next year teaching Algebra 2 at Mankato West High School. After 3 years being mostly out of the classroom, he is looking forward to being back with students full time. This is the school that our children will be attending when they go to high school (just a short 1 1/2 years until Ethan is there) so we are glad he will be there to experience that adventure with them!

We currently have 2 foster children staying with us - a 7-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. They are fitting in very well over here. As usual, some adjusting necessary on all of our parts, but that is to be expected. We have found that fostering children has been the very thing God is using in each of our lives to teach us invaluable life lessons. Our family devotion the night before we knew we were getting these new children was about the Refiner's Fire. It spoke about how God uses difficult circumstances in our lives to rid us of impurities (sin) and to purify our lives so we become a reflection of His image. We have been able to apply that devotion many times in the days following. Isn't it so cool how God does that?! We continue to do respite care 2 different weekends/month. We care for a 7-year-old autistic boy and a sibling group of 3 (ages 10-boy, 10-girl, and 9-girl). We maintain a relationship with the baby who was placed in our care from Thanksgiving until the middle of January. He is now 7 months old. We watch him as a favor to his mom on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings. So fun to have that little one around! And great to be a resource for his mom as well. As you can see, we have a revolving door around here, and while that comes with challenges, we wouldn't have it any other way. What a blessing and a true gift of God's grace to us to be able to be used of the Lord in this way! "Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for Me" -Mt. 25:40

Our basement is finished! We now have a ceiling, carpet, woodwork, and lighting in our basement. We moved the Nintendo stuff down there along with a bit of furniture. The ping-pong table and foosball table now seem like new toys again. An area that was mainly used for storage and an easy place to send children to play and then just shut the door on the mess has now become a refuge! We've spent the last few weeks cleaning out the storage rooms down there and shifting things to where we originally intended them to be when we first moved in. Anyone who knows Nedra knows how she LOVES to organize (no joke) so having those storage rooms in order has been its own kind of high for her. Nedra's dad came and helped us put the finishing touches on everything yesterday (THANK YOU SO MUCH DAD!). We now have new shelves in the guest bedroom closet and our shed outside. We hauled in dirt and tilled a spot for a small garden. All of the junk is on the curb for the city to haul away during spring clean-up this week! Hooray!

Tidbits:

Dana:

• currently out mowing our lawn for the first time this year
• church softball team 0-3
• accidentally stumbled upon a hobby of mass-producing corn-hole boards (Google it if you don't know) first for family members for Christmas gifts, now 4 more to sell, and still others wanting them all the time
• trying to sell his truck for 8 months now
• extreme meeting-attender (elder meetings, teacher meetings, Bible study groups, FCA meetings, building leadership team meetings, worship team practices, and random lunch meetings with friends and co-workers - and occasionally his wife :o)
• ping-pong challenger (rewards the children if they beat him)
  

Nedra:

• currently typing this blog
• cleaning jobs for 4 families (approx 2-3 times/week)
• family scheduler, planner, bill-payer, driver, organizer, laundry-doer, meal-preparer, grocery-getter, errand-runner, hostess, house-cleaner, child-care provider, etc.
• Friday morning small-group Bible study leader
• realizing as I'm typing this that much of my life is wrapped up in maintaining order or providing services so that others can fulfill their responsibilities and commitments and perfectly content with that being the case
  

Ethan:

• on the golf team for his school this spring (some COLD days of practice, but he's a good sport about it)
• currently sharing random information with me from his National Geographic Kids Almanac 2011 - In the last 30 minutes I've tried to guess the language in which he was saying "Hello" for about 15 different languages, heard about the countries with the most automobile owners, looked at some really cute photos of baby animals, and answered questions about how people can really know anything about the earth's core
  
• regularly setting up things like forts, army guys, "Lord of the Rings" Risk, k'nex, etc. - while definitely growing up, still a little boy in a lot of (good) ways
  
• avid youth group attender - so exciting to see his faith becoming his own
• happiest when he can hang out with his dad or good friends (or play on the Wii or computer)
• working on the corn-hole boards with Dana in order to earn $ from the sale of one
  

Hannah:

• started a Mother/Daughter Book Club with a friend from school
• currently reading a book on the top bunk of her bed; reads A LOT
• best friend, Ashton, moved to Arizona
• Regional Swimming - made it in 200 Free, 100 Free, 50 Free, 100 Back, 50 Back, & 100 IM
  
• Ping Pong - just beat her dad for the first time in a "best 2 out of 3" event
• moved down to the guest bedroom to accommodate these new foster children and is now pushing to have it be a permanent move (not gonna happen)
• 13th place individually and 2nd place team out of over 200 students in the Math Masters competition
  

Sarah:

• just learned to do a back walkover on her own at gymnastics
• recently celebrated her 9th birthday with 3 friends at the cosmetology school getting hair, nails, and a little bit of make-up done then going to Mexican Village for appetizers and "drinks with umbrellas" :o) - so disappointed that her BFF, Torie, is in AZ and couldn't join her for the party
  
• Regional Swim Champion (1st place out of 65 swimmers from 9 different states) in the 50-yard Backstroke
  
• going on a field trip with her class on Thursday to the MN Zoo - she's hoping to see elephants, tigers, and lions
• currently outside (hesitantly) picking up doggie doo-doo so Dad can mow
• was in her element this weekend watching 2 extra dogs for some friends of our family - another beagle and a HUGE golden retriever (yes, we are a little bit crazy)