And now there are six...

The facts:

We became a licensed foster family in January of 2010.  Trey and Kaleigh (half siblings) joined our family as foster children in July of 2011.  That fall, we were asked to consider adopting them if the case moved in that direction.  We were certainly open to this possibility.  Trey moved to Milwaukee to live with his father in June of 2012 - a positive move, one we believe was best for all involved.  It became apparent that God was calling us to adopt Kaleigh.  The court terminated parental rights in October of 2012.  The adoption of Elizabeth Kaleigh Patenaude was finalized March 5, 2013.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, 

is God in His holy dwelling. 

God sets the lonely in families...

(Psalm 68:5-6a)

The call:

We are grateful for our 3 healthy beautiful biological children.  After 3 difficult pregnancies, Dana and I were certain we were "done" having children.  I remember someone commenting, "You'll know you are done because you'll have a sense that your family is complete."  We only knew we struggled with the thought of another pregnancy...not the thought of raising more children.

For the next several years, the possibility of adding children to our family lingered in the back of our minds.  Stories of missions to a Mexican orphanage and children in Belize, involvement in the life of a single mother with a drug addiction, family members in need...  We never felt an urgency to actively pursue anything, but God kept the needs of children right in front of our eyes.  Our hearts were consistently challenged, and we began to pray about how God might be calling us to care for children.  We were drawn toward becoming a foster family, yet we did not take action.  In the fall of 2008, we bought a home that could better accommodate our growing family.  We received mixed reactions when we began to share our thoughts about foster care with friends and family.

During the summer of 2009, Dana had lunch with a friend and fellow believer who was returning to the mission field after a brief sabbatical.  God used this conversation to confirm His call for our family into foster care.  Dana doesn't remember the details of the conversation, but he does remember coming away with James 1:27 on his heart.  "Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..."  Dana came home from that interaction and asked, "Remind me why we haven't pursued foster care yet?"  And so it all began...

He is the Rock, 

His works are perfect, and all His ways are just. 

A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He. 

(Deuteronomy 32:4)

The heart:

I am not naturally a mushy-gushy, wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve, I-just-love-to-get-attatched-to-small-children kind of person.  I have come to realize this as an asset in being a foster mom.  I am able to do my "job" in a loving, affectionate, caring way while at the same time remaining objective in my thoughts and attitudes about what has happened and will yet happen to these children in my care.  We did not pursue foster care with the hope that we would someday adopt children.  We were definitely open to the possibility, but adoption was not our aim when we became licensed foster care providers.

If you are hoping to read a story about how an ache in our hearts for more children was realized and fulfilled when a certain little girl won us over, you will be disappointed.  This is not a sappy story; it's a story of a faithful and loving God revealing His heart for us by calling us to have that same heart toward a child of His.

We were in a unique position as foster parents in that we had a considerable amount of time to get to know Elizabeth before we were asked about adopting her.  The answer came quickly, almost without thinking about it...yes.  Did we realize what we were saying? It seemed like we should want to take some time to consider it.  This is a huge decision! But we said yes. Even after we agreed to this, we didn't know for quite some time if it would become a reality.  We had plenty of time to doubt our decision (which we did)...plenty of time to wonder...plenty of time to question whether this was really what we wanted...plenty of time to back out...

However, God used this time to show me the condition of my heart.  How my love is fickle. How I doubt His leading when the way is difficult.  How I make decisions based on what I perceive to be easiest or most comfortable for me or my family. How my love for people often stems from the fact that I feel some sort of affection for the person. Or the person makes me feel loved. God used this time in my life to refine me (and I mean by fire!)  He used this time to demonstrate over and over again how His love for me is not at all dependent upon my behavior or attitude toward Him.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  

(Romans 5:8)

I came face-to-face with the truth that real love is a decision, not a feeling.  God's love is set and determined - a choice.

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world ...

In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ.

(Ephesians 1:4-5)

The adoption:

We rejoice in the parallels between Elizabeth's adoption and our adoption into the family of God.

See how very much our Father loves us,

for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!

 (1John 3:1)

One of the most obvious is the change of identity.  Just as we are new creations in Christ (2Cor. 5:17), Elizabeth has a new name.  Elizabeth means "God's promise" or "I am God's daughter". We chose it to remind her and us of God's special care for His children.  We see Elizabeth's life as a reminder of God's promise of redemption through His Son, Jesus, which ultimately results in our adoption into His family (Gal.4:4-5). We also wanted her name to fit with the rest of our children's names.  Each of the children have a Biblical first name and a significant family name as their middle name.

God redeems us out of a life of sin. Jesus sees us in the midst of our need.  We have nothing to offer Him.  We don't even really want Him (let alone know we need Him), yet He determined to set His love upon us, and sacrificed His life to make us His.  As His children, we become coheirs with Christ. God redeemed Elizabeth out of an unhealthy home.  He saw her need, and He provided.  He's called us to set our love upon her and welcome her into our family.  She will have all the benefits and responsibilities that go along with being a member of the Dana Patenaude family.

The hope:

So Elizabeth...we set our love upon you.  We choose you to be adopted into our family as our daughter.  God delights in His children, and we delight in you.  We hope someday when you have a full understanding of what has taken place in your adoption into our family, you will joyfully echo the sentiments above!  We pray that our love for you will be a testimony of God's love for His children.  This is our prayer for you sweet girl.  May you live to bring Him glory!

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire; 

He set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in Him.

(Psalm 40:1-3)