I Love Jesus

That's all I have to say today.

S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D

Is there enough of me to go around? There are days (like this one...like this whole week actually) that I wonder. It's all good, mind you, but I'm definitely relying on the grace of God to get me through.

Sarah told me the other day that she was "stressed out" because "it just seems like somebody always NEEDS something" and "I'm just used to being the youngest". Hannah broke down last night because she didn't like what we were having for supper and K was interrupting her when she was reading. After talking it out, she was able to express that she's feeling a bit neglected. Dana asked for a kiss good night last night and I felt like refusing (which I didn't) and saying, "You need me too? I got nothin' left!"

11:15, 12:15, 3:00, 3:30, 3:45 (2), 4:45, 5:00 (2), 6:00 (2), 7:30, 8:00, 8:15 (2)
These are the times today that I'm either supposed to drop someone or something off, pick someone up, call someone, or be somewhere. The 2's mean I'm really supposed to be 2 places at once. Somewhere in there everyone will need dinner. Dana will not be home until after 9:00 tonight. These are not the optional leisure activities of an overcommitted family. With a child "in the system" at our house, most of these times are beyond my control. The only things we'd normally have today would be to drop off my children at swimming at 6:00 and pick them up at 7:30.

I'm a person who typically goes into control mode when things feel out of control. I'm quick to try to "fix" the circumstances that are causing stress. Sometimes there are some things that need fixing. However, I've come to realize that many of the circumstances I'd like fixed are exactly the experiences God is using to grow my faith and dependence upon Him.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) I don't think this verse is some promise for accomplishment or a "you can do it" type of mentality, but a call to persevere in the midst of trial. I really CAN do everything Christ calls me to when I'm dependent on His power and strength to do it. Disorganization and chaos (perceived or real) have a way of driving me to my knees in a way that nothing else does. It's difficult to know that God has brought trial into the lives of my children. It's hard to see them stretched.

I'm pleasantly surprised to find that while I'm feeling S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D, I'm at peace. We know that God has called us to foster care. I can honestly sing with Chris Tomlin, "There's a peace I've come to know. Though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an Anchor for my soul. I can say, 'It is well.'" So, here is what I cling to today...

...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. I am confident of this: that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Jesus, in view of Your mercy, I offer my body to You as a living sacrifice...my spiritual act of worship. (Romans 8:26, 28; Ephesians 2:10; Philippians 1:6; Romans 12:1)

Don't you just LOVE the word of God?!!!

Crazy Daze

November 15, 2010

6:45am - Up and at 'em
7:00am - Wake the kiddos
7:15am - Breakfast
7:35am - Drive kiddos to school
8:00am - back home...so far so good...average day
8-10:30am - shower, laundry, phone calls, e-mails, church worship scheduling, calendar check, meal planning, budget check-up, random household tasks
10:30-noon - wonderful time in prayer and Bible study
12:00pm - leave house to run errands (library, Meats 'n More, returns to Shopko, cell phone call to Mom)...picking up steam now
1:30pm - close friend calls with family emergency while I'm @ Shopko
2:00pm - fill van with gas
2:25pm - paperwork with school office and picking up kiddos
2:55pm - after school snack (my lunch), try on Shopko items (no good)
3:15pm - guardian ad litem stops by to visit foster child
4:00pm - piano teacher here for Hannah, homework, more laundry and random clean-up
4:45pm - leave home to go pick up Australian exchange student (Storm) who is staying with us for 3 weeks...running on adrenaline
5:05pm - meet student @ MSU, visit with the group and work out details
5:35pm - pick up snack @ BK drive thru for kids
5:43pm - Hannah to West for swim practice
5:47pm - Sarah to YMCA for swim practice
5:50pm - Meet Dana and Ethan at YMCA (they were at a Math League meet after school); Dana takes foster child (K - sorry, we can't post her name) swimming; swimming cut short by poop in pool
6:10pm - WalMart run for Storm to pick up a couple items
6:30pm - pick up friend's (remember previous emergency?) child to take her to ballet
6:50pm - back at Y to pick up S, D, and K
7:00pm - helping K with her hair in the shower - still figuring out this African American hair thing
7:30pm - send D home with everyone, I head back to ballet to pick up and bring home friend's daughter
8:00pm - home; all need food - carrots, broccoli, string cheese, leftover macaroni casserole, grapes, orange, "Milo" (kind of like hot chocolate mix) from Australia...random chaos
8:45pm - girls head to bed; Ethan announces he has geography project due tomorrow (and math homework)
9:00pm - D helps E with project; kitchen clean-up
10:00pm - make bed with clean sheets (remember that laundry?)
10:10pm - crawl in bed, check e-mail, and start blogging
10:30pm - Ethan finishes homework
10:45pm - D joins me in bed, reads my blog, chuckles, we "talk" about our day
11:02pm - blog posted, lights out

At Dinner Tonight...

Random quotes from our dinner table tonight:

Alex: Aliens smell like my mom's armpit in a smelly bathtub.
Hannah (while giving Dana a hug): Dad, your sweat smells better than cheese.
Sarah: You know what's funny Alex? Most children your age (7) don't use the word "hypothesis"
Nedra: Be careful...don't put the fork in your eye!
Alex (while getting ready for bed): Toothpaste is my enemy! It feels like there's a building on fire inside my mouth.

Just another average night at the Patenaude home!

P.S. Hope to be back blogging more regularly again... :o)

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Ethan's grown up so much in the first week of school.

My sixth-grader struggled to remember to bring homework home. My seventh-grader did his homework on the bus ride to his cross-country meet because he knew it would be late when he got home. My sixth-grader cried the first time he had to carry his trombone on the bus because it was too "big and heavy". My seventh-grader carried his book-filled backpack, running shoes, gym clothes, and his trombone into school yesterday and looked at me like I was crazy when I asked if he wanted help. My sixth-grader forgot he brought cold lunch to school 3 times in a row. My seventh-grader has no problem remembering the combinations to 3 different lockers. My sixth-grader struggled to keep his desk, papers, and thoughts organized. My seventh-grader is excited to share his plan with me for how he remembers what to bring to each class, how he's created labels for every pocket in his planner, and how he gets all the way across the school with everything he needs to bring home in time to catch the bus that brings him to cross country practice. My sixth-grader left his backpack, trombone, homework, lunch money, etc. at home regularly and had to call me to bring them to school for him. My seventh-grader reminds me (2 days ahead of time) that his cross-country uniform needs to be washed for the meet on Thursday. My sixth-grader barely knew what a "Scarlet" (the school mascot) was. My seventh-grader is thrilled to be a Scarlet! He proudly wore his sweatshirt to school today declaring that fact.

I know there will be forgotten homework assignments and trombone-runs to school. I won't be surprised to find out Ethan has missed the cross country bus and needs a ride. I realize the enthusiasm over a new school year will run its course. I also know my son is growing up. My heart swells with pride (the good kind) to witness his growth in responsibility. My face lights up to see him exhibit adult-like character. My eyes fill with tears to think of him maturing. I love that boy so much. I'm overcome with emotion when I catch glimpses of my boy turning into a man...

Summer Lessons from a Good God

The kids are off to school today which has me reflecting on our summer. The following are 2 of the main thoughts that have been echoing in my thoughts this summer.

1. My life is not my own.

This includes my time (that's the hardest one for me), my plans, my children, my home, my finances, my possessions, my body, etc. Everything I have or am is a gift from Him. I am to offer myself to Him to use as He desires. I realize this probably sounds trite and unoriginal. It certainly has been for me when I'm the Christian on her soap box declaring truths that I've yet to be challenged on. It sounds so good doesn't it? Especially when I'm just viewing it as "big picture"... However, when I'm slapped in the face with circumstances that require me to set aside my plans in order to accomplish His (often unclear) purpose for me, that's another story.

It's hard to "deny yourself" a snide remark or rude comment toward the police officer who's being less-than-professional with you when you are driving all over Washington D.C. on vacation in order for your son to get a root canal. It's not easy to "put aside your own interests" when you just want to sleep in and your more-than-capable children need you to get up and direct their day. Who has no problem saying no to the movie or TV show that's definitely not what you'd be watching with Jesus in the room? Or the kids asking for an ice cream treat from Dairy Queen (again) while you're on a long drive and don't really have the money but you want one too? What happens when the plans that God has for me cut into my "free" time? What about when I have a few hours to get some laundry done and run some errands, but a friend has a personal emergency and I know He wants me to drop everything to help? What if maintaining my monthly tithe means waiting to buy school supplies even though the best sale is now? What does it mean to "empty yourself" and "look to the interests of others" when the errands you are running take 3 times as long as expected and you make your husband late for a meeting so he's irritated with you and you come home and the house you had in order is now not and the children are sitting in front of the television playing video games? It's strange to realize that, while you are someone who's usually quite spontaneous, the spontaneity of this summer is kicking your butt! It's difficult to keep your temper (let alone "offer your body as a living sacrifice") when the house is a disaster, the kids are fighting, the refrigerator is empty, the phone is ringing, the bills are unpaid, the laundry is piled up, you're late on your way out the door to an event you don't want to go to, and the bags are packed and waiting to be loaded into the van for the next trip you're not quite ready for (welcome to my summer!)

Then Jesus said to His disciples,
"If anyone wishes to come after Me,
he must deny himself,
and take up his cross and follow Me."
(Matthew 16:24)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy,
to offer your bodies as living sacrifices,
holy and pleasing to God... (Romans 12:1)

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
do not merely look out for your own personal interests,
but also for the interests of others.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus who...
emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant...(Philippians 2:3-5, 7)

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore, honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

2. God wants me TOTALLY dependent on Him.

I guess this is what I've concluded is the "why" behind all of the crazy circumstances this summer. I really believe that this is His main purpose in all of our lives - that we would see our NEED of Him - not just for my salvation but for my continuous walk with Him. If I have a life that is easily lived apart from dependence on Him, it's really not the life He's called me to live.

Let me just say, while this summer was crazy, I don't think it was wrong. I don't look back on this summer and think, "We've got to do that differently next year." I really believe the trips we planned (whether they actually went according to plan or not) were exactly what we should have been doing. When we were home, there were hardly any days that were "ordinary", stay-at-home-and-enjoy-summer-vacation days - and that was NOT according to plan. Yet almost every day we had commitments, extra children, respite care, preparation for the next trip, etc. Yet, I don't think that was wrong either. I hear a lot about "margin" and "boundaries" in today's secular and Christian world. How it's "healthy" to have margin. I'm definitely not a person who wants to fill every minute of the day with something - that actually stresses me out. I LOVE blank calendar pages! Yet, my life this summer (and so far this fall) hasn't had much margin. Is it because I'm not in the center of God's will for my life? Maybe...but maybe not. I can live my life trying to control my circumstances, or I can obey and depend on God in the midst of what He throws my way. (This is not to say there's not a right way to live. A life of following the Lord is full of moral absolutes. But when it comes to the details - things that are morally neutral - margin or no margin - I think there's room in a Christian's life for seasons of both.) My best-laid plans need to be able to be nixed at a moment's notice (if that's what He wants). I need to be ready to offer my home, $, possessions, and time for His purposes.

Again this all sounds good, maybe cliche, but good. What if the life Jesus has for me isn't something I think I can handle? What if I don't even like it? That's where the dependence comes in.

I used to be someone who really felt like I pretty much did a good job at most of the things I wanted to do a good job at. If I wasn't good at it, I didn't do it. Then I became a mother, and couldn't quit that even though I often feel like a complete failure at it. That's when God began teaching me this lesson. I'm not really depending on Him at all if I can keep it all under control. He has stripped me of that control in so many ways. (I'd love to discuss these specifics personally with anyone who'd want to.) Every single one of those ways was uncomfortable at the very least and extremely painful a lot of the time. In fact, I'm more broken now (or maybe just more aware of how broken I've been all along) than ever. Yet, it's a peaceful place to be. Why? Because my God is a good God and He loves me!

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. (1John 4:16)

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. (1John 3:16)
...not that we loved God,
but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1John 4:10)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Because I can trust Him. Everything I wrote about in #1 is completely impossible for me in and of myself. I put most of those examples in there as things I've failed in doing. Yet He is at work in me!

...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in (me)
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6)

...for it is God who is at work in (me), both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Phil. 2:13)

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses,...with distresses,...with difficulties,
for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2Cor. 12:9-10)

Because I'm more aware of my need for Him than ever!

I am the vine, you are the branches;
he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit,
for apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15:6)

God is faithful! The Word of the Lord stands because of the God who stands behind His Word!

The Meyers

The Siblings
Mark, Audrey, Dennis, Ardith

The Cousins
Annette (Ardith), Andrea (Ardith), Martha (Dennis), Andrew (Ardith), Nedra (Dennis), Natasha (Mark), Matthew (Mark), Alyssa (Mark), Lorraine (Audrey), Ardella (Audrey)

As far as any of us know...the first time ever we've all been together!
Congratulations Natasha and Vern!
What a nice weekend!